Southern UK Jive

[Dizzybee]

The Ugly..


I am outraged to hear a regular dancer at the weekend being refused, Not once BUT twice by male dancers when asked to dance!!
I find this very shallow of any man to do this, we are always encouraged to ask as many people to dance as possible
and for ladies to ask men to dance, doesn't come easy.. so when refused, how do you think this makes a lady feel??...BLOODY AWFUL!!!!
The lady in question says her confidence has now been knocked..I really feel for her.

So I'm gonna hear.. "well if we've been dancing for three straight tracks then maybe we need a break"..Or I'm not keen on this track..
Fair comments..
BUT FOR GODSAKE be a gentleman and have the decency to go back later and ask her to dance. and if you have any other excuse forget it!!!!
this should never happen..its so shallow and makes in my eyes a man very ugly!!

www,dizzybee.ewebsite.com
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Dance With Your Heart & Your Feet Will Follow.DB

[Jasper]

I have to agree. I think it is damned right rude to turn someone down for a dance. On the odd occasion I have had to say not to that song, I have always said that I will get the lady on the next dance..and always have, It should be the 1st rule of dance...never say no.
However...It does work both ways. Mens confidence can also be shattered when a woman says no. ... Does anyone remember a coach at Mojive years ago called Miranda? Let me remind you, she was the one that couldn`t wear the normal smart Mojive shirt, she had to have hers all ripped and only just hanging on to het body revealing much more than I ever wanted to see ANYWAY... I asked her for a dance once and she said no! no reason, just No and she was a coach!! Very poor.
That did knock me back a bit. Thankfully my confidence is now fully restored due to the fact that I haven`t been refused a dance since

[Andy McGregor]

[Jiveonaut]

I'd just like to agree with all the "if you're asked to dance you dance" comments. If a lady asks a guy they really must say yes. There's only two reasons I can think of to say no, and two responses from the man. The first is "Sorry, that lady over there asked me first, I'll grab you next", the second is "Sorry love, I'm too up myself to dance with you. I am a colossal thoughtless t*t in desperate need of a slap to re-engage the good manners section of my demonstrably minute brain. And yes, actually I really am not very well endowed either."
Contrary to the image my rugged good looks and dance toned physique emits, I'm rather shy. I find it hard enough to ask ladies I don't know for a dance, and it was even worse when I started out. I've been turned down several times in my time, by one person so many times I make a point never to ask them for a dance now. So I can fully understand the blow you get when someone turns you down. As social 'convention', even in this egalitarian age, predominently leans towards the blokes asking and the ladies being asked, when a lady asks a man it can take a lot of bottle for them to do so, especially if the lady is just starting out. So to be turned down can be a huge knock to their confidence (male or female). Conversely, being picked up (that sounded OK in my head...) can be a huge lift to their confidence.
Of any rule or convention in modern jive, "you never say no" is right up there as one of THE most important rules of the lot.
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Words are good, but hens lay eggs.

[Southern Jiver]

I would like to add a third reason to those that Jiveonaut posted. That is "Sorry, but I'm just so pooped after the last one (Candyman, Alisha Dixon, Paloma Faith etc) that I need a few minutes to catch my breath". I admit that I do say that sometimes but I will ask where the lady in question is sitting and endeavour to have a dance with them once I have my breath back. I'm sure the ladies understand my reasons. This probably applies mainly to us older people..
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"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance."
~Japanese Proverb

[Nicky]

Politeness, good manners, dance etiquette, call it what you will, there seems to be a serious lack of it wherever you dance.....

My own experiences have knocked my confidence to the point where I very rarely feel brave enough to ask a guy for a dance. The most recent incident kept me away from Hamworthy for several weeks..... I approached a group of four men who were standing on the edge of the dancefloor, and asked if any of them would like to dance. All four shook their heads, and one replied, "I would never ask you to dance!"..... So courteous!

I am always happy to dance with anybody. On the occasions when I have to say no because i've already been asked, I make a point of trying to catch that person later. It's a shame that some of the teachers don't actually follow their own advice and do the same..... Clearly one young Mojive teacher considered me too old, too fat, too ugly, too c****y for him to dance with as he turned me down three weeks running. Not only is it downright rude, it's not good for business..... I and my friends will not be supporting his latest venture!!!

I simply cannot understand the mentality of people who show such little consideration for other peoples feelings.....A dance lasts maybe three minutes, thats all.... Not much to ask, surely???

[Andy McGregor]

[DJ Andy]

[Andy McGregor]

[Dizzybee]

[Southern Jiver]

[TeeDee]

Firstly, I agree - Nicky, you are a fabulous dancer and anyone saying "no" to you are the ones missing out..!

I used to sometimes say something along the "grab you in a mo" type thing if I was needing a quick break, but my short term memory turned out to be sooo rubbish that I often forgot to go and grab them later on. That, to me, seemed even worse, so I won't do that anymore - I'll just say yes and pant a lot..!! (oh dear, that's not meant to sound quite so, er, wrong!)

Only time I'll refuse is when I'm already heading to the floor with another and then I work really hard to remember to go and get the lady straight after.

I encourage everyone to always say yes. I try not to make any notable divide or separate between men and women. I always try to treat both totally equally. I do except that there are one or two regular dancers at my venues who simply want to dance with their partners and no one else. I take time to chat this over with them and ensure that, provided they are polite then it need not be a big deal - they do, however, need to appreciate how fragile some other peoples confidence can be...

If I had a member of the team turning up in a ripped-up T-Shirt and refusing dances every week, then he/she woudl be asked to leave the team. And they can keep the T-Shirt. No further conversation required.

Andy - I have exactly the same experience with smaller VS larger venues too. The Smaller ones do tend to make for a more social environment. Makes me think of good old Bramshaw - always a very friendly place..!

In a way all this we must ask and not refuse stuff is quite funny. Well, maybe not funny, but interesting. I mean, there are just too many variables - different peoples confidence, manners, etc... Some people couldn't care less if they get refused, others get shattered by it... A lady recently said to me "I hardly ever get asked anymore". (Apart from other regulars who know her). To which I replied "they are scared of you". Her dancing has come on to the point where new or fairly new guys can easily feel intimidated - yes, ladies, we guys get scared of asking just as much as you!!!

And when we are in a position like that it becomes even more important to NEVER say no!
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http://www.le-jive.co.uk/
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[Dizzybee]

Hey Nicky.. I've never met you.. well I don't think I have..
It reads here you are a popular & aproachable person.. and a good dancer by the sound of it... have a read on the link below.. maybe the organisers should have something simular printed off and hand out.

http://www.utdallas.edu/~aria/dance/beyond.html

www.dizzybee.ewebsite.com
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Dance With Your Heart & Your Feet Will Follow.DB

[Southern Jiver]

[Nicky]

Andy, Andy, SJ and Dizzybee, thank you all loads..... I'm very flattered!

I agree with SJ, that is a great link DB. Maybe we should get some copies printed off and hand one to anybody who refuses a dance